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And Then He Says…

“Babe, you’re so smart, talented, and beautiful, and you know I’d do anything for you. You’re just like a sister to me.”

Translation: Don’t get any ideas, I’m not really interested in you (at this moment). I think you’re cool, but I’d like to keep playing the field – see what my other options are.

Ugh.

Next!

“Babe, you know, I am ready to settle down. I wish I could find a Desi chick just like you.”

Translation: My ammi promised me a rishta prospect who looks just like Ash Rai, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed she can cook and won’t spend all my money!

Double Ugh.

And you know five months… six months… a year later – when the 5’2”, 95lb. DAP (Desi-American Princess) has left; when the Ash Rai rishta prospect turned out to be anything but; and when you’ve completely forgotten about him, he’ll be back saying…

“Babe, I’ve always said you’re so smart, talented, and beautiful, and you know I’d do anything for you. You’re just not like all those other Desi chicks. I am ready to settle down. My ammi loves you. I love you.”

WTF?

Next!

“Babe, I’ve always thought you’re so smart, talented, and beautiful, and you know I’d do anything for you. You’re just not like all those other Desi chicks. I was scared before. But last week I was in the hospital with the most horrible stomach pains. As my life flashed before me, all I could think of was you. My ammi will love you. I love you.”

Double WTF?

And if you’re really lucky both guys will have these breakthrough epiphanies within the same week, because guys (very much like us girls) PMS at the same time. This is a scientific fact. But that is another topic, to be covered at another time.

Why, oh why, do Desi (Muslim) guys insist on using the sister line? It is insulting. It is demeaning. It is basically saying, “I don’t see you as a woman, but you’re a fun distraction for the time being.” Ultimately, it always backfires. The relationship gets complicated. The line between virtual incest and actual romance becomes less and less clear. Sooner or later someone gets hurt.

Out in the real world, outside of the Desi bubble, it is not as common for a guy to arbitrarily call you his sister. Non-Desi guys are fairly straightforward…

“Babe, you’re so smart, talented, and beautiful. You know I’m not really looking for a relationship right now, but right now I’d really like to fuck you.”

Translation: No analysis necessary.

*sigh* Damn morals. But the honesty is appreciated.

Next!

I’m not buying it anymore. Desi/Non-Desi – they’re all the same. The next time a Desi guy tells me I am like his sister, I am calling it out for what it is – a pickup line. After all, if I am to be his 43.7th sister in a society where boy-girl relationships are of the strictest taboo, and we are all ‘brothers and sisters in Islam’ – I say virtual incest is in.

“So, how you doin’, brotha?”

*wink wink*

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June 19, 2007 Posted by | perspectives, Relationships | 5 Comments

A Banana a Day Gives You a Bikini Body Right Away!

So I’m back to the morning NJ-NYC commute – waking up at ungodly hours, rushing out the door, applying make-up in the car, stumbling off the train half-awake. The smell of pastries, piss and sweat wake me up as I exit Penn Station. Ahh, brings back memories.

There’s a new addition to my morning routine, though. About a dozen obscenely cheerful, painfully beautiful women in bright colored bikinis and heels greet me every morning offering free bananas. WTF?! Trust me, I could not make this up even if I tried. Curiosity finally gets to me so I take a banana today. I am told they can help me get a bikini body. This must be some sort of nightmare. Allah, you have a cruel sense of humor.

The Ambassador wants to go for coffee soon after I get in. Not one to say no to free food, I oblige. We walk down to Au Bon Pain. Klutz that I am I spill my coffee.

“Nadia, you’re not supposed to say thank you. You’re Pakistani; don’t you know that in Pakistan the men do everything,” the Ambassador says, after I muster an embarrassed thank you as he cleans up the coffee I just spilled on the table.

I nearly drop my coffee again. What… why was I not notified of this? Where are these chivalrous Paki men? Evidently I’ve been hanging out with the wrong generation.

Chivalry is indeed, alive and well at the UN. Doors are opened for you. Meals and drinks are paid for you. Every man smiles at you. I think this may have something to do with the high ratio of old full-bellied men working with young supple-bodied women – just a theory. Even the Saudi interns are dressed in skirt-suits that would make Monica Lewinsky blush. I guess the application of the Saudi burqa law is relative to your geographic proximity to Mecca. The Desis, ironically enough, keep it conservative – the Pakistani women seem to have a strict shalwar kameez and chappal dress code, while the Indian women prefer their saris.

In the Security Council Chambers it’s easy to spot the US Ambassador, Zalmay Khalilzad, he is loud and overly cheerful. While all the others hunch over and (pretend to) study the Darfur documents in front of them, he leans back and stares directly at the speaker, a little smirk showing up on his face every now and then. Oh, the joy of representing a superpower.

The guy to my left isn’t even paying attention, he’s chatting away on AIM. Tsk. Tsk. Reminds me, I need to start bringing my macbook.

Proving that it is a small world after all, I run into a friend of a friend. He doesn’t remember my name, but remembers my Element. It’s OK I tell him, it was about 1am and he was a little inebriated when we met. He is working with the Pakistani mission. We agree to meet for coffee after 40th Anniversary of Palestinian Occupation session. Israel’s seat is conspicuously empty. The nation statements start to get repetitive. I turn to eavesdropping to keep myself from falling asleep. The bubbly redhead next to me is also a Nadia. She is Turkish and planning her wedding.

It turns out the dude at the Paki mission also has an Element. He confirms that the Pakistani women have an unwritten rule to wear only shalwar kameez. It is expected of them.

The cafe is full of smoke. My throat is killing me. This may have something to do with that fact that the UN is probably the only place left in NYC for smokers to smoke indoors.

I’m exhausted. I walk back to Penn instead of taking the subway, saves me a little spending money, it’s a beautiful day and, well, if I’m to get that bikini body I have a lot of catching up to do.

*A friend sent me this link… and I have to say it perfectly sums up my thoughts on the UN and diplomacy right now, lol: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/end.php

June 8, 2007 Posted by | perspectives, RandomDesi | 2 Comments

Nilofer Bakhtiar – Pakistan tourism minister resigns for obscenity

Nilofer Bakhtiar - Pakistan tourism minister resigns for obscenity

What? Are you kidding? Has anyone been following the story of Nilofer Bakhtiar? She resigned from her post as Pakistan’s tourism minister because she gave her paragliding instructor a hug?

This is even dumber than the Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty scandal…dumber than Tabu and Nelson Mandela…this list could go on.

More on Nilofer Bakhtiar here:

Pakistan’s Tourism Minister Nilofer Bakhtiar has quit after weeks of controversy surrounding a photo of her hugging her French paragliding instructor.

Sources say that she is upset that her own party, the PML Q, did not support her.

Earlier she was asked to step down as chairperson of Women’s Wing of the Pakistan Muslim League.

However, the Pakistan government has neither confirmed nor denied Bakhtiar’s resignation.

Pakistan’s Information Minister Mohammad Ali Durrani said that a decision on her resignation would only be taken after Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz returns home from Jordon, which he did on Sunday.

Bakthiar, however, seems adamant, and sources close to her say that she is determined not to take her resignation back.

May 29, 2007 Posted by | perspectives, Social Justice | 17 Comments

Praying at Work

praying-at-work.jpg

March 24, 2007 Posted by | perspectives | 11 Comments

duped indian brides

Saw this on BBC today. Good to know the Indian government is recognizing spouse abandonment as a problem.

“The Ministry of Overseas Indian Affairs says women who are divorced or deserted within two years of marriage will be entitled to legal and financial aid.”

Click here for more

February 23, 2007 Posted by | perspectives, Relationships | 1 Comment

big brother slam bigger than…

shilpa and jane goody

The Big Brother/Shilpa Shetty controversy is making more headlines than Ashwariya and Abishek’s wedding announcement.

India has stopped manufacturing Jade Goody’s perfume.

Here are some quotes:

You can watch the episodes on youtube

What do you think? Ignorance or racism? According to ITN News, it’s a debate that has sparker a bigger reaction than Saddam Hussein’s hanging.  Apparently 70X more complaints have been about the shilpa shetty treatment than the hanging.
-Miral

January 22, 2007 Posted by | perspectives | 4 Comments

Stephen Colbert’s Bhangra-Meter Knows Best

Paris-Nicole? So yesterday. Jennifer-Angelina? Who cares anymore.
Looks like we’re so starved for juicy celebrity spats here in the US that Stephen Colbert had to poke around Bollywood to find a good one. Amitabh vs. Shah Rukh: Whose side are YOU on? After analyzing all the facts, Colbert finally picked one.

AB vs SRK

If you want to skip the rest of Colbert’s insightful, thought-provoking commentary and get right to the (hilarious) masala, jump ahead to the point where there’s 1:51 left in the clip.

January 11, 2007 Posted by | Film, perspectives, RandomDesi | 1 Comment

New Desi Comedy on CBS

CBS has a new Borat style comedy show based on an immigrant Desi family – *A docu-comedy about a family from Kashmir and the humorous interactions they have with unsuspecting Americans.*

http://www.cbs.com/originals/papdits/

Watch the pilot on CBS’s Innertube. There are 4 parts.

YouTube clips of the show – http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=papdits

Your thoughts?

I didn’t care for it much at first… but upon watching it again I actually think it’s pretty funny.

BUT WHERE ARE THE BROWN PEOPLE IN THE WRITING AND PRODUCING CREDITS? HUH? HUH? HUH?

Credits: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0826772/fullcredits#writers

December 8, 2006 Posted by | perspectives | 3 Comments

Muslim sitcom?


So, looks like a sitcom based on being Muslim in post-9/11 North America is in the works. “Little Mosque on the Prairie” is an attempt by its creators (both Muslim and not) to comedically protray stereotypes of Muslims in a manner which will make “Muslims and non-Muslims laugh.”

From the recent NYTimes article: “In an earnest manner not atypical of Canadians, one goal of the show is to explain Muslim behavior, or at least make Muslims seem less peculiar, much as humor about Jews, Italians or gays helped those groups assimilate.”

It’s a good idea, but should be interesting to see if they could pull it off — a Muslim series that actually isn’t cheesy or of amateur material, and at the same time translated in a way everyone can join in on the humour. Guess we just have to wait and see.

Read more about it here

December 8, 2006 Posted by | perspectives | 9 Comments

Tribe in India more progressive than Maryland?

lesbian wedding in india

An Indian tribe has given its consent to a lesbian ‘marriage’ in the eastern Indian state of Orissa.

A priest belonging to the Kandha tribe led the ceremony between Wetka Polang, 30, and Melka Nilsa, 22, in Koraput district recently.

Both the women are day labourers and now live together in Dandabadi village.

Same-sex relationships are outlawed in India. The 145-year-old colonial Indian Penal Code clearly describes a same sex relationship as an “unnatural offence”

Read on.

-Miral

December 7, 2006 Posted by | perspectives, Relationships | 2 Comments