Divanee Magazine Editors Blog

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Stephen Colbert’s Bhangra-Meter Knows Best

Paris-Nicole? So yesterday. Jennifer-Angelina? Who cares anymore.
Looks like we’re so starved for juicy celebrity spats here in the US that Stephen Colbert had to poke around Bollywood to find a good one. Amitabh vs. Shah Rukh: Whose side are YOU on? After analyzing all the facts, Colbert finally picked one.

AB vs SRK

If you want to skip the rest of Colbert’s insightful, thought-provoking commentary and get right to the (hilarious) masala, jump ahead to the point where there’s 1:51 left in the clip.

January 11, 2007 Posted by | Film, perspectives, RandomDesi | 1 Comment

Clooney Goes Bollywood?

clooney goes bollywood

Be still, my beating dil.

Looks like the sexiest man in the world has his eye set on conquering Mumbai. Yes, ladies (and gents who might be interested for whatever reason), it seems George Clooney has been bitten by the Bollywood Bug.

http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=244178&GT1=7701

Could we someday see the sexiest man alive shaking a leg for an hour or four in “Jab Kabhi Kabhi Kuch Kuch Ho Na Ho to Dhoom Machake Alvida Na Kehna Munnabhai” (JKKKKHNHTDMANKM for short) or some other such spectacle? Watch out, Shah Rukh.

December 7, 2006 Posted by | Film, RandomDesi | 2 Comments

Lip Service

Evidently Nars (the company responsible for some seriously awesome lip gloss) has a new lipstick shade out: “Hindu.”

I wonder what “Catholic” looks like.

October 16, 2006 Posted by | Beauty, RandomDesi | 5 Comments

Which came first – the fashion or the egg?

Animals have mating calls; we have mating couture. Who knew? Fellas – now when you notice your ladyfriend all dolled up a bit more than normal, well, don’t say we didn’t warn ya.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/10/women.fertile.fashion.reut/index.html

October 10, 2006 Posted by | Fashion&Clothing | 3 Comments

Did you hear the one about the Sri Lankan…?

…You know how your parents are always on your case to talk to them in Hindi or Urdu? Yeah, now you have a legit excuse not to bother.

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Man questioned and misses flight for speaking Tamil

By Brad Wong

A 32-year-old man speaking Tamil and some English about a sporting rivalry was questioned at Sea-Tac Airport and missed his flight Saturday because at least one person thought he was suspicious.

The Port of Seattle dispatched its police officers to investigate the case, which occurred Saturday around noon, said Bob Parker, airport spokesman. The Chicago man was preparing to board an American Airlines flight to Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport.

The man was speaking Tamil, a language largely used in India, Sri Lanka and Singapore, on his cell phone at the departure gate and on the aircraft. An off-duty airline employee heard the conversation and informed the flight crew.

The man also apparently said something in English about a sporting rivalry at his alma mater.

“It’s a big misunderstanding,” said Parker. “He had a perfectly innocent explanation that all added up.”

Parker said it is incumbent on airport officials to investigate reports of suspicious activity.

“It’s hard to triage over the phone,” he said.

But Parker had no explanation as to why a man speaking Tamil, which is spoken worldwide, would be considered suspicious. The person who contacted airport officials could give an answer to that question, he added.

Parker said the man was cooperative and boarded a later flight to Texas. He told officials that he would not speak in a foreign language on his cell phone at an airport in the future.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/287261_tamil02ww.html

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Wait? No foreign languages? Somehow I doubt they’ll arrest him for talking in French.

October 4, 2006 Posted by | RandomDesi, Social Justice | 8 Comments

It’s Not Yours If It Ain’t Motherf***in’ Trademarked

So, like, I recently heard some obscure line, not sure where it’s from or anything, but I think it goes a little something like this:

“I’ve had it with these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!”

So I decided I liked it so much I’m going to trademark it. Cool? And I don’t care how badass you are, you can’t use it. It’s mine.

September 7, 2006 Posted by | Make Chai Not War, RandomDesi | 7 Comments

Death by Delivery Guy

As I roam the pee-stained streets of Manhattan (reference this for more details on that subject), I often speculate about whether there are more bicycle delivery guys on this cramped island than there are people. Usually, I escape being mauled by at least 14 of these specimens even as I ponder them.

My official plea to bicycle delivery boys across New York (and beyond):

Please don’t kill me. Don’t fancy yourself a hero on a makeshift two-wheeled ambulance set to save the day with your expeditious delivery of kung-pao chicken. No amount of saag paneer is worth me losing my life. The earth as we know it will not cease to exist if you try riding in the direction of the traffic just once, I promise.

As I reflect on today’s three near-misses at the hands of 75 mph 5-foot speed demons, it’s starting to make sense to me why they’re beginning to outnumber pedestrians. Soon there will be delivery dudes galore – but no one to deliver to.

Think about it, fellas. And walk safely, friends.

August 29, 2006 Posted by | RandomDesi | 5 Comments

Light a Candle

mumbai

On July 11, hundreds of citizens in Mumbai were killed or hurt by a series of horrifying blasts that crippled the city’s train system. When you fill out this form CNN-IBN will donate one rupee for every candle you light to go toward the relief of the victims of the Mumbai attacks.

http://clients.ibnlive.com/features/mumatt/index.php

July 19, 2006 Posted by | Social Justice | 1 Comment

Just Call Me “The Relationships Expert”

soulmate

So, dear readers, believe it or not, Divanee isn’t actually the only magazine in my life: My full-time gig also has me editing and writing my life away at a magazine here in NYC. So last week, my editor at my day job (ie, not Miral-the-great-Sattar) approaches me to tell me she wants me to write a cover story.

In magazine-speak, this is a HUGE deal.

I’m all giddy and excited, eagerly awaiting more information on my most major assignment yet. I’d never heard of the subject before, but who cares. “She’s a model-turned-author,” my editor tells me, before promising to get me a copy of her latest book to prep before I go ahead with the interview.

So yesterday, she hands me the book. The title? “The One: Finding Soul Mate Love and Making It Last.”

You have got to be kidding me.

Such is my life: a conglomerate of cruel jokes; an amalgamation of ironies. I need some Cheetos.

June 23, 2006 Posted by | Relationships | 1 Comment

Are You Calling Me Fat?

The CVS ExtraCare Card has been a source of fascination for me ever since its inception. I eagerly wait as they print out my receipt, hoping for the elusive "$4 off your next purchase of $20 or more" coupon so I can go right back into the store to stock up on bodywash and cotton swabs and candy. Over the years I've bought far more gum, dental floss, and eyeliner than I could ever possibly need, just because my receipts enticed me with 50-cents-off or buy-one-get-one-free offers. I am SUCH a desi sometimes.

Some people are a bit freaked out by how the register spits you out coupons based on your current purchases, so they're fine-tuned toward the kinds of things you might like. But I always thought it makes sense – I don't need $2 off of Rogaine, so I'd rather have some balding uncle be the lucky recipient of such a deal. But when I'm buying some new eyeshadow, a coupon for eye makeup remover might prove to be a friendly reminder.

I've always been a big fan of the CVS ExtraCare card. Until this week, that is.

So on Monday I run to CVS for a late afternoon pick-me-up, and head to the register carrying a big bag of Cheetos.

My coupon? $2 off diet pills.

I hate you, CVS ExtraCare Card.

May 24, 2006 Posted by | Shopaholic | 5 Comments