This woman, *Kola Boof,* was on FoxNews talking about her autobiography that was just published, *Diary of a Lost Girl*. Apparently she claims she and Osama bin Laden were an *item* back in the day… *wink wink*
They met in a restaurant in in Marrakesh, or rather he picked her out there and had his men escort her real date out (Osama was the pimp, man)… and bing bang boom… it was er… lust at first sight? He got abusive though (go figure) and she ran away to America.
So that’s it. All the time and money spent… all the lives lost. And it was all for LOWE, dude, all for LOWE. Like one big Bollywood movie. Osama just wants his woman back… and like every noble red-blooded suitor he’s willing to kill every American until he gets her back. I mean if he can’t have her, no one can! She left him a bitter man. He’s just channeling all his pent up anger and frustration to the land where she lives.
Now that we know the truth of the matter. It’s time to take action. We need to send Kola Boof back, ASAP. Email, write, call Rumsfeld we need a special convoy to send Osama his woman. And just to make sure things run smoothly we should send the dymnamic duo of Oprah and Dr. Phil to help mediate between these two lovers. It’s an interest of national security, damnit, no cutting corners here!
So there you have it folks – world peace – brought to you by yours truly. I think I deserve a Noble… but I’ll settle for a seat at the UN.