Divanee Magazine Editors Blog

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Death by Delivery Guy

As I roam the pee-stained streets of Manhattan (reference this for more details on that subject), I often speculate about whether there are more bicycle delivery guys on this cramped island than there are people. Usually, I escape being mauled by at least 14 of these specimens even as I ponder them.

My official plea to bicycle delivery boys across New York (and beyond):

Please don’t kill me. Don’t fancy yourself a hero on a makeshift two-wheeled ambulance set to save the day with your expeditious delivery of kung-pao chicken. No amount of saag paneer is worth me losing my life. The earth as we know it will not cease to exist if you try riding in the direction of the traffic just once, I promise.

As I reflect on today’s three near-misses at the hands of 75 mph 5-foot speed demons, it’s starting to make sense to me why they’re beginning to outnumber pedestrians. Soon there will be delivery dudes galore – but no one to deliver to.

Think about it, fellas. And walk safely, friends.


August 29, 2006 - Posted by | RandomDesi


  1. If it’s butter chicken, then i say, ‘worth it’

    Comment by miral | August 29, 2006 | Reply

  2. Hey now, these people deliver me my dinner every day and if they are late, im not a happy camper. So let them continue to ride 75 mph against traffic, and if they knock out a few pedestrians on the way, so be it. We need some sort of population control mechanism in this city anyways.

    Comment by Mohsin | August 30, 2006 | Reply

  3. I bet if the delivery boys were good looking, the writer of this blog would be happy if they ‘ran’ into her. Its all relative.

    Comment by Rae | August 30, 2006 | Reply

  4. when did mohsin get funny?

    Comment by Ayesha | August 30, 2006 | Reply

  5. Methinks it’s the 5-foot part that really got her curls in a bunch.

    Comment by newworldman | August 30, 2006 | Reply

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