More specifically, I think some people find it difficult to reconcile the idea that a match should made on practical concerns (a doctor, Muslim, a doctor, home-oriented, a doctor, religious, (did I mention doctor?), and so on) with the idea that a match should be based on love, romance, and genuine concern for one another.

I don’t mean to say that fundamentally one has to be at the exclusion of another, but, just based on my personal observation and insight into what has happened in our own community, many of the failed matches, for some reason, appear to have been. Some who married for very practical concerns seem to have found the more romantic aspect of their union lacking (and fairly early on, too) and called it quits. Others who married for more romantic reasons (usually someone non-Muslim) later found themselves having different ideas about more practical matters, such as how to raise children, how much to interact with family, and so on.

Maybe that’s a far-too-simplified analysis, but I do think the solution lies in people adopting a more complete approach to what they’re looking for in a life partner.

For example, a Hollywood movie-style idea of love (sparky, interesting introduction, dancing, dinner, surprises, outings, etc.) is nice and possibly necessary for a lasting union, but it isn’t sufficient. Personally, for example, these more immediate things do matter, but it also matters that that person (whether or not she is Muslim) have the ability to relate to my family and not down the road place me in the position of having to choose. Now, of course, there are factors that make that more or less likely–namely, whether or not she is Muslim–but again personally the outcome of family relations is the key outcome.

On the flip side, I saw ridiculous stuff happen with the goal of finding a mate that was a doctor. I saw one union take place for which the primary rationale (based on what their families most prominently and very frequently announced) was the fact that they were both doctors. Length of marriage: 3 months. Again, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with being a doctor or marrying a doctor, but when it becomes a higher priority consideration than other factors which may, in fact, matter to one or both individuals that’s a problem. I’m all for individual choice now so if marrying a doctor matters that much to a person–to the exclusion of all else–then more power to you. But if other things that can potentially derail the marriage later on do matter (how you interact, what you like to do in your spare time, sense of humor, etc.), then you just have to make sure to prioritize the doctor factor accordingly.